


Carnival of Destruction

by QueSeraAwesome



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe- Reconstruction, Fix-It, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1774864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueSeraAwesome/pseuds/QueSeraAwesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You are not the purple person I thought you were," says the yellow armored soldier. "Also, you're two people."</p><p>In which the Dakotas aren't dead, and end up kinda sorta maybe adopting a wandering Kaikaina Grif.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You are not the purple person I thought you were," says the yellow armored soldier.

She’d said they could call her Sister. North doesn’t think that’s her “real” name, but he knows a little something about “real names” and names you choose to be called, so he doesn’t argue.

"Also, you’re two purple people. So unless Doc, like, split into good and evil halves, you’re not him. And I’m pretty sure he already did that. Also, you’re way better at killing people."

"What the fuck are you even on about?" South demands. "Where did you even come from?"

"What my sister means, is ‘thanks for the assist,’" North interrupts. "Even if we’re not who you thought we were."

It’s true, she did help. As good as he and South are, they were outnumbered and in a tight corner until the little yellow doomsday machine with a grav hammer showed up and started swinging.

"No problem," she replies. "I don’t suppose you’ve seen a fat guy in orange armor anywhere, have you?"

"…No…" North replies, exchanging a glance with South. "We haven’t."

"Fuck," Sister says, kicking the toe of her boot in the dirt like a irritated teenager. North’s not convinced she’s not still a teenager, despite the military grade armor.

"Looking for someone?" he asks.

"I lost my brother," she says. "Tryna find him."

North doesn’t look to South that time. He feels her eyes on him all the same.

"We were stationed at the same base, but then everybody left and it got totally boring,” she continues. “Only guy left was this totally unfuckable robot. And my raves weren’t making any money anymore, and I couldn’t get him to pay for Spanish lessons, so I just said fuck it and deserted. Except maybe it’s canyoned because we weren’t in the desert.”

"Is she for real?" South asks.

"I’m not sure," North says.

"I’m 100% real," Sister interjects. "No silicon or robot parts or nothin’. Gotta keep up my rep. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, 'you do you' is what I always say. And my future in-law’s part cyborg."

South’s giving the new girl this look, the same look she gives explosions, new armor upgrades and armories. North frowns.

"You’re kinda hot," Sister says. She shoulders her grav hammer.

"Which one?" South asks.

Sister shrugs a reply.

"You gotta killer swing there, kid," South says.

"Thanks," Sister says, flexing. "You should see my ping pong ball trick. But it doesn’t use the same muscles."

North looks between the two of them. There’s this weird feeling, like a foreboding in the back of his mind. It’s like when South goes in hot, neglecting her trackers, like the feeling when Wash opened his mouth to ask a question, the feeling he always got watching Tex walk away.

"South—"

"We should keep her," South says. It’s not a question.

"Keep me? Like a pet? Or one of those sexual submission things? Do I have to sign a contract?"

"I’m keeping her," South says.

"Yeeeess."

North has a feeling this is a really really bad idea.


	2. Chapter 2

They've only been traveling together two weeks. And no one's died yet.

Yet.

North swears, tries to get line of sight on the fuckers shooting at where South and Sister are pinned down, but it’s no use. The terrain’s too rocky, and they know he and his sniper rifles are out there, are making sure to stay under cover. 

"How the fuck do you get this pinned down?" North growls into his radio. "Did you even—"

"—If the next words out of your mouth are about trackers, I’ll find a way to punch you in the dick before this is all over," South replies breezily, like she doesn’t have a dozen really determined space pirates determined to make her one with their bullets.

Many bullets. They’ve kind of stolen a lot of these guys’ crap. They’re a little pissed about it.

"I gonna move east, get away from these rocks," North says, shouldering the rifle and hunkering down. "I need a distraction, get their eyes off me while I move."

"Can do, bro," South replies. "Hey, kid. New job—"

"I thought my job was not to die," Sister’s voice says from the radio.

"Still is. Don’t die. Second job: Distract these motherfuckers."

"Can do—"

"No, don’t let her—" North starts, but it’s already too late.

"HEY, BITCHES!" Sister’s voice screeches through the radio. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SPECIAL ORDERED THE EIGHT INCH DILDO LAST WEEK? THE ONE WE STOLE ON ACCIDENT?"

The soldier’s stop shooting. North laughs under his breath, starts running.

"CAUSE IT WAS AWESOME," Sister continues. South sounds like she’s fucking dying she’s laughing so hard, gross wheezing gasps. "LIKE, REALLY, GREAT TASTE, BRO. OR SISTER-BRO?"

"Son of a _bitch_ ," one of the pirates swears. His fellows turn to look at him. "Shut the fuck up."

"LIKE REALLY, YOU SHOULD ORDER A SECOND ONE OF THOSE. SINCE WE STOLE THE FIRST." Sister yells.

The pirates start shooting again. North finally gets into position, braces his sniper rifle against his shoulder. He’s pretty sure he’s gonna be alone with taking these guys out. Sister’s more of a close-range hitter (literally, in every way _that was ever possible_ ) and South still sounds like she’s too busy laughing to help.

"In case you forgot, you’re still getting shot at," North reminds her, picking out his first target.

"I like you," South says to Sister over the radio. She’s finally recovered, got her gun out and is returning fire the best she can. "I’m pretty sure I’m keeping you forever."

"That is, like, the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," Sister says. "Except for all the compliments about my tits."

"They _are_ great,” South replies.

North rolls his eyes so hard they hurt.

“Also, you were right. That was a pretty great dildo.”

North starts so badly the shot goes wide, hits some dude three pirates over where he meant to.

"Jesus Christ," he mutters to himself. "Look’s like I’ve got two of them now."


	3. Chapter 3

Theta knows to stay out of sight nowadays. AI aren’t exactly standard tech and they can’t afford for news of two purple-armored soldiers with a glowing avatar over one’s shoulder to reach the wrong ears (the wrong ears are any ears, any ears at all). And South usually doesn’t react too well to having him around. No, Theta stays out of sight, in his mind now.

_I like her,_ Theta says, _She’s funny_.

The girl’s currently got the radio blaring and is dancing around the Pelican’s cargo hold she supposedly went to go organize twenty minutes ago. In this case, “dancing” is an active verb meaning “put some hips into it.” She doesn’t seem to care at all that North’s walking up in her blind spot, just tilts her head when she hears the click of his boots on the floor, returns to her dancing.

North closes the cargo hold door behind him, releases his pistol and battle rifle from their maglocks and places them on the table. South is still outside, working on finding them supplies. She’s the better haggler. As for himself, he’s had no luck finding them another job, not yet. He’ll go looking again after the lunch hour’s over. No one wants to talk business over food these days. You take the quiet moments when they come, don’t give them away easy.

The radio echoes against the metal walls on the chorus, some sort of base-thumping, yowling thing that North recognizes from the speakers in the better areas of town. It’s popular nowadays, whatever it is. Sister seems to be enjoying it, at least until she accidentally hip checks a box of supplies and knocks it off the top, has to pause to catch it before it dumps its contents all over the floor.

“Watch it,” North teases over the music. “You could hurt somebody with those things.”

“Only if they like it that way,” Sister says without missing a beat. He’s not entirely sure she realized he was joking. “Except that one time I accidentally hip-checked that guy in that one club with the pool and he fell in and couldn’t swim and I had to lifeguard him. Whatever. I still fucked him later.”

North feels a smile pull at his lips, lets it. It doesn’t happen as often nowadays.

“Wanna dance?” Sister yells. “I love this song!”

Theta thinks they should.

“No thanks,” North replies. “I’ve never been much of a dancer.”

“Want me to teach you?”

North smiles, shakes his head, pulls up a crate to sit on while he does some maintenance on his weapons. Sister shrugs and turns away toward the radio and for a minute, he think that’s going to be it.

“You always look sad,” Sister says, switching off the music. “But I can’t figure out why. Nobody as hot as you should be that sad all the time. I wouldn’t be sad if I had those muscles. _Roawr_.”

North tries to remember if she’s ever seen him out of armor. He’s pretty sure she hasn’t (it seemed like asking for trouble to allow her the opportunity). He shrugs.

“You’re not doing that bad in the muscle department yourself,” he replies mildly, eyeing her impressive biceps.

“I know, right!” Sister replies, effectively redirected. “I can lift my brother over my head! He yells a lot when I do that though-- _Wait_. Are you hitting on me?”

“No,” North says. “I’m not.”

“Shit,” Sister says, sitting down on a crate.

“It was a sincere compliment, though,” North continues. “How much do you bench?”

Sister scrunches up her face in concentration. Theta giggles in the back of North’s brain.

“I can bench a Dex,” she says, contemplatively. “ But probably not two Dexs. Maybe two Tuckers. But, like, I never had two Tuckers to try it. And even if I had, I wouldn’t have been benching them, you know what I mean?”

“I think I get the picture,” North laughs.

“Does the picture involve a strap-on? Because—“

“You know as exact as ‘one Dex’ and ‘two Tuckers’ are as units of measurement,” North interjects. “That really doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“My brother’s fat,” Sister says, matter-of-factly. “But Tucker’s not and, like, my height. He looks taller in armor, but that’s only because he’s got some sort of lifts. Like Robert Downey Jr! Small dude, big power armor. Big mouth. Did you ever see those movies?”

“Iron Man? A long time ago,” North responds.

It had been funny, back then, to sit down and watch a movie about a guy in power armor, when the program was new. They didn’t do it so often near the end. Movie nights were less important the more often people ended up in Recovery, the more often people took weeks to wake up.

North turns and sees Sister eyeing him thoughtfully.

“What are you thinking?” North asks.

“Whether I could bench you are not,” Sister asks, honesty apparent in her voice.

Theta is insisting in the back of his head that they should let her try it. He’s happily running calculations, thoughts wandering around about leverage and fulcrums and the upward force generated by her arms to be able to bench North.

“Maybe some other time,” North says, ignoring Theta’s disappointed wilting in the background.

“That’s not a no,” Sister points out.

North shrugs.

“You seem like you’re planning on sticking around,” North says. It’s a question.

“Yeah, I like you guys,” Sister says. “You’re nice to me.”

There’s something in her tone there, some clue about how this isn’t the norm for her that makes part of North, parts he doesn’t really use as much anymore, ache.

“You said you’re looking for your brother,” North says, lingering on the end of the sentence.

“Yeah,” Sister says. “We got assigned to the same canyon, like, on different teams, but then he got transferred away. So I went after him. Again.”

“You must really miss him,” North says. Sister shakes her head.

“Naw, not really. It’s just…Dex always looked after me. When I needed him to. And sometimes even when I didn’t.” She laughs. “But I gotta find him. He’s all I got.”

“You really have no idea where he’s at?” North asks.

“Nope,” Sister replies. “He told me to go home if I got the chance. But I think I’ll just do what I want instead.”

North laughs.

“Well, we move around a lot. We might run across him,” North says. “If you want to stay. I can’t speak for my sister, but it’s been nice having a third set of hands around. ”

Sister nods.

“You can call me ‘Kaikaina,’” she says. “If you want. Or Kai. If I’m going to be around awhile.”

North looks up at her.

“That’s my name,” she says helpfully.

“I got that,” North says.

“Well, you looked confused,” Sister replies. “You can call me that, if you want. None of the guys at Blood Gulch ever really learned it, but you seem like the kind of guy who’d remember it.”

She stands, brushes invisible dust off her thighs.

“I’m going to go get something to eat,” Sister says. “Do you want anything?”

“I’m good,” North says.

She waves a response, steps out of the cargo hold. North watches her leave.

_Kaikaina_ , Theta says. _I like her. She’s nice._

North sends a wave of agreement his way. He likes the kid. He’s glad she’s sticking around.

He doesn’t see when she comes back, is already gone again looking for another job for them. But when he gets back to the Pelican later, he finds a chocolate bar on his bunk. There’s a note stuck to it, a smiley face and the words, “Don’t be sad eat chocolate.”

He stashes the note in one of the crates under his bunk. Best if South doesn’t see that. For many reasons. He eats half the bar, saves the rest for later.

He feels a little lighter these days. Theta’s happily running calculations on how many calories of a chocolate bar would be needed to bench North. North knows better than to hope things will stay this way for a while. He really knows better.

South stalks back in, supplies carried under her arm.

“What’re you smiling about?” she demands, depositing the supplies on the floor.

“Chocolate?” North asks, offering a square.

She rolls her eyes at him, but snatches the square out of his hand and pops it in her mouth.

“Where’s the kid?” she asks.

“Somewhere,” North says.

South stalks off further into the Pelican without a backward glance. North leans back in his bunk, arms over his head. Hums that trash pop song from earlier, listens to Theta whir from calculation to calculation, tries to remember the words.


	4. Chapter 4

“Sooo,” Kaikaina says, leaning against the doorjamb. “Why haven’t we fucked yet?”

South keeps reassembling her gun. She glances up, meets Kaikaina’s eyes. Kaikaina’s smile grows a little wicked, a little more predatory under her gaze. South turns her attention back to the gun.

“It’s not like you’re not interested,” Kaikaina says. “I can tell when people’re lookin’ at my tits. I’ve got super-sensing powers like that. And yet we are not on the two-way train to ScissorTown.”

South focuses on the weapon under her hands. It’s familiar. She watches her hands work the pieces, by rote. There’s something soothing about it.

“No offense, kid,” South replies, stiffly. “But that’s not going to happen.”

“Why not?” Kaikaina asks. Her tone isn’t disappointed, isn’t hurt. Just curious. Honest, open curiosity. No subtlety, no strings attached, no hidden meanings. South doesn’t remember the last person who talked like that in front of her.

“Seems like you’re going to be sticking around for a while,” South says. “That means we’re not going to fuck.”

Kaikaina frowns, the confused frown South is coming to get to know.

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I’m a one-night-only kind of girl,” South says. “Trust me, it’s better this way.”

She learned that one the hard way. She closes her eyes, but brown armor swims in her mind’s eye. She opens them, a reflex. Kaikaina’s bright yellow helps burn the color from her mind.

“…Okay,” Kaikaina says, after watching South for a long moment.

There’s something soft in her eyes, in her face. South hates her, just a little bit, for that. (She doesn’t.) (She does. She doesn’t need anyone’s pity. Or their understanding.)

“Okay,” Kaikaina says again, when South doesn’t respond. “That’s cool. Let me know if you change your mind! No pressure though.”

She leaves the room. South looks down at her fists, at the armor plating. She flexes her hands, watches the way the pieces of the armor interlock and move together, the way it all fits, the intricacy. They’re just her gloves. She forgets how much thought actually went into them. Someone very smart had to design them.

She closes her eyes. Brown. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Brown armor. Brown everywhere. That’s the trouble with this kind of life— colors take on meanings they never should have had to carry. Why couldn’t the bitch have chosen some less common color, some neon orange or magenta or some shit? Something South didn’t have to see every fucking day.

Because it wouldn’t have been Connie. Connie never would have chosen colors like that. CT definitely wouldn’t have.

Shit brown. Brown like dirt. Brown to blend in. Brown like her eyes.

Kaikaina’s got brown eyes too. South did always have a weakness for big brown eyes. She likes to think she knows her weaknesses better now.

*

Officially, they’re _supposed_ to be scouting the docks area, getting to know the layout of the land before a potential raid on one of the warehouses.

It’s easier than you’d think, with the fair going on, every available piece of pavement filled with someone hawking jewelry that will make your fingers turn green on sight, things that are battered, things that are fried, goldfish with three eyes, and things that are questionably legal. It’s a great excuse to wander around between streets around the waterfront, to wander into back alleys like confused tourists, laughing sheepishly as they’re herded away by rough-looking guards.

Unofficially, between the two of them they’ve had two funnel cakes, three corn dogs, a deep fried candybar something that was promptly thrown away, two turkey legs and about a half dozen lemon shake ups. North’s pretty sure Kai’s actually managed to get drunk off deep-fried batter and excitement at this point.

It’s starting to get dark and the crowds are starting to thin out. No one wants to hang around the docks area at night, even with a Ferris wheel giving the night some light. They’re passing through a parking area back to the downtown area where they’ll catch a bus back to where the ship is parked, Kai chattering happily, when it happens.

“Duuuuuude,” Kaikaina slurs, pointing. “Motorcycle.”

He looks away for two seconds and she’s gone, reappearing at the motorcycle’s side, poking at the leather.

“You like motorcycles?” North asks. “You ever ride?”

Kai nods furiously, running her fingers along the seat. She probably shouldn’t be doing that.

“C’mon, South’ll be waiting,” North says pointedly. Kai doesn’t answer. “Yes, the motorcycle is very pretty. Can we get a move on?”

“ _I want it,_ ” Kai says.

And there it is. There is the thing that he’s going to have to deal with immediately. _Uh-oh_ says Theta, and North agrees.

“We don’t need a motorcycle,” North says, going after her.

“Do you think it’ll fit in the back of the Pelican with the rest of our stuff?” Kaikaina asks.

“No.”

“It totally would,” Kai says. “I’d make it fit. I can make _anything_ fit. It’s a super power.”

“I’m sure you can,” North says, desperation creeping into his voice, “But we don’t need a motorcycle. C’mon.”

“I betcha I know how to hotwire it,” Kaikaina says, running an appreciative hand over the seat. “I used to be really good at it, back in the day.”

“Really?” North asks, impressed, despite himself.

“What day?” asks a deep voice, behind them.

North and Kai turn. There’s five motorcycles sitting here, in addition to the one Kai had designs on. There’s six biker dudes standing there glowering at them. They don’t look like the kind of guys to solve things peacefully. One of them has a set of tally marks tattooed on his forearm. Whatever they mean, it’s probably not a good sign he has so many of them. The biggest guy cracks his knuckles. (It reminds North a little of Tex. But this guy isn’t nearly as intimidating. But more people aren’t.)

“I think they heard you,” North says.

Theta starts calculating angles.

*

South didn’t go on the scouting mission because scouting is boring and fairs are stupid. And Tilt-a-Whirls always make her sick, and she doesn’t even like Ferris Wheels, and she’ll eat her boot if Kai wasn’t going to try to drag them on one at one point. So, no, she didn’t go on the stupid fucking scouting mission.

The ships awfully quiet right now, though. And empty.

She’s got the ramp down, has dragged one of the fold-up chairs down just on the edge of it, so she can see the stars. The light from the highway dims them a bit, but all in all the light pollution isn’t too bad. She’s seen worse. Occasionally a car goes by, they picked a quieter stretch of highway to park the Pelican near. It’s peaceful, in a lonely way. It’s a feeling she’s getting used to.

That doesn’t mean she’s not still on her guard, though and South gradually becomes aware of a thumping noise approaching the ship. She fingers the pistol at her hip, takes it out of the holster, flips the safety off. If they’ve been watching her awhile, they know she’s alone. If they decided to go after her anyway, they’re going to get more than they bargained for.

She keeps the pistol down, out of sight, locks her eyes on the point where the thumping noise is coming from, around the back of the gas station, out of the alley. It’s getting closer. She hears…snickering?

North and Kaikaina come around the corner, heads bent low and towards each other. North’s got an arm slung across Kai’s shoulder.At first she thinks they’re drunk, and she gets pissed. Then she thinks it’s just companionable, and she relaxes. Then she sees him limping and she gets angry again.

“What the fuck happened to you?” South demands.

They get closer, come into the light and she gets a better look at them. Kai’s hair’s been pulled loose and is hanging mussed, and she’s got bruises blooming on her forehead and cheekbone. North’s limping and got another bruise coming in on his jaw, blood on his face.

They’ve both grinning, lips split in more than one way.

“He twisted his ankle,” Kai says breathlessly. Her eyes are sparking with excitement. “From kicking a guy. _In the face_. It was _hot_.”

“You actually got injured?” South sputters. “By _civilians_?”

“We weren’t in armor,” North snaps. “And hand to hand was never my specialty.”

North spits what looks like blood onto the sidewalk. South clenches her jaw so hard it hurts.

“Some asshole got in a face shot,” he says. “I just cut my cheek on my teeth. I swear.”

“You two—“ South growls. “You fucking dumbfuck cockbiting-shitheads! How do you get beat up by—“

“There were six of them,” North says.

“I got two, North got four,” Kai says. “It was _awesome._ ”

“Yeah, but you got the two biggest ones,” North says, shooting her a fond grin. “You shoulda seen her, South, two of the biggest fuckers I’ve ever seen. Even bigger than, than Maine.”

South pretends she didn’t hear the stutter around Maine’s name. They don’t talk about that shit anymore. They don’t talk about those people anymore, if they can help it. And especially not Maine.

“It was so cool! Did you hear the noise that one guy made, he sounded like a kitten I had once—“

“Well, I’m pretty sure you shattered his wrist, so that’s kind of understandable—“

“You really think so? I didn’t hear a crunch, and I’ve crunched a lot of people—“

That feeling rolling in South’s gut, the one she’s going to say is disgust but isn’t (because they got beat up in a fight with fucking civilians, like fucking _amateurs_ ) is so strong she’s nearly nauseous with it. (She knows what it is. She has a lot of experience with jealousy.)

And they’re still there, gabbling happily at each other and comparing bruises and laughing, doing the play-by-play. South sees, not so much red, as white.

“You _dumbasses_ ,” she screams, stomps back into the Pelican. “Dumbass bravo-sierra shit-for-brains bullshit, I swear to fucking _god_.”

The cockpit door slams shut so hard the ship shakes a little.

“….I think she’s mad,” Kai whispers.

“You think?” North asks.

South stomps back out of the door, flings a tube of antiseptic cream at North like a grenade, kicks the first aid kit down the ramp at them, the plastic sliding against metal in a truly terrible noise.

“Fucking _fix_ your fucking _selves_ ,” she snaps, slams the cockpit door behind her.

Kai stops the first aid kit with her shoe. For a long minute, there isn’t any noise except for the night bugs, the sounds of traffic from the highway.

“Will you show me the move where you kicked him in the face,” Kai whispers. “I want to be that hot.”


	5. Chapter 5

Kai’s, like, really good at telling when people don’t want her around.

That’s the kind of thing you pick up on when you live the kind of life she has. Figuring out whether people want you around, and what for, and when they want you to just fuck off? It’s a necessary skill.

South _really_ doesn’t want Kaikaina around right now.

Actually, she’s pretty sure South is pretty pissed at her right now. She’s make herself scarce, but they’re in the middle of a warehouse, surrounded by crates and taking fire, so that’s not really an option. She’ll choose a pissed-off South over bullets any day. South won’t kill her. No matter how pissed she is right now. (Kai just wishes she knew why.)

South swears and takes out another couple of guards. Usually, they chat the whole mission. North yells at them all the time for it, it’s hilarious. I mean, that’s the whole reason they set this raid up this way, South and Kaikaina setting up shop somewhere defensible and making a lot of noise and killing a lot of dudes while North makes the run for the codes. But, like, South has barely said two words to her since they started. She’s barely said two words to her since she kicked the medikit down the ramp at them the other night. Kai’s still got a few fading bruises from that fight.

Like, Kaikaina’s not the smartest person. She’s not like the nerdy gray guy back at Blood Gulch. But she can put two and two together. Even if she’s not sure what four’s supposed to mean in this particular situation.

She glances over at South from behind the cover they’ve managed to scrounge together. Officially, South is supposed to be covering long-range assailants, and Kai’s supposed to be picking off anyone who gets closer, or who comes around the hallway behind them. But no one’s been that stupid yet, and South is, like, really angry. And armed. So Kai has nothing to do.

Except South is really angry, and armed, and Kai should probably do something about that.

“Hey, ummm, South?”

“Busy,” South replies curtly. “Can it.”

“But you always talked to me during missions before?” Kai whines. South shoots what is clearly a glare, even under the helmet, at her. “Look, I’ll just say it quick, okay, then we can go back to shooting dudes.”

“Not gonna stop shooting dudes just because you feel the need to run your mouth.”

“Okay, actually that’s a good idea, because they seem really mad—“

“Your point.”

“Yeah,” Kai says.

She pauses to take a deep breath, think about how best to say it. After a minute, South sighs explosively at her.

“I’m waiting—“

“—I’m sorry me and North fucked up the scouting mission,” Kai says. “I didn’t mean to. I mean. It was probably my fault.”

South doesn’t reply, keeps shooting guards as they try increasingly desperate ways of getting a sightline on them before she puts a bullet in them. Kai stays quiet, whacks a guard coming around the opposite corner with her grav hammer. He doesn’t get up. She bites her lip, glances at South. Silences like this tend not to work out for her.

“Try again,” South finally says.

Kai blinks at her. Let’s the words register. Nods. Right.

“…I’m sorry I didn’t bring you a corndog?”

South snorts a laugh. Which is progress, but also a clear no.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to go with us?”

“My decision. Nope.”

“I’m sorry for trying to steal the motorcycle?”

“You tried to steal a motorcycle?”

“Yeah, that’s why they got mad—“

“Try again.”

“I’m sorry for not actually getting to steal the motorcycle?”

“No. But we should do that.”

“North says it won’t fit in the ship.”

“North can fuck a duck,” South replies, sugar-toned. “Keep trying, princess.”

Kai thinks for a minute.

“I wasn’t trying to fuck North,” Kai starts, “I mean, not more than usual—“

“Not that either.”

Kai sucks on her lower lip, a bad habit that’s got her laid a couple times. So whatever. It helps her think. And this is something Important. Something she needs to think about. Hard. (It’s sooo serious, she doesn’t even sneak a “Bow Chicka Bow Wow” in there, mentally.)

“I’m sorry I got him hurt,” she says, finally. She shuffles her feet, nervously. “...You probably could watch his back better than I did.”

South stops shooting, turns to look at her. Kai squirms a bit under her gaze, tightens and releases her fingers on her hammer nervously. Counts her breaths. Loses count. She didn’t even get to that many.

“No. I couldn’t,” South finally says. “And stop apologizing. You sound like an idiot.”

South resumes shooting at the guards, nailing a few who’d tried to take opportunity in the lack of suppressing fire to make a run for their cover. This time, it’s Kaikaina sending South that confused, searching stare.

Kai’s still not entirely sure what she did wrong. But she recognizes she’s been forgiven.

“Okay,” she says.

One of the guards South gunned down groans, tries to move. Kai hits him between the eyes.

“Nice shot,” South says.

“Thanks.”

The tension in the air has lifted, even though they’re still getting shot at. All there is now is to wait for the signal from North and get out. Kai hunkers down to wait.

“Tell me about your brother, kid.” South asks suddenly. “What’s he like?”

Kai blinks.

“Dex?”

“Unless you got another brother,” South growls, begins reloading. There are a lot of fucking angry space pirates out there. Good thing they brought a lot of bullets.

Kai bites her lip, thinks seriously about the question. People don’t ask her questions like this often. Mostly it’s just some version of “Wanna?” quickly followed by “Where?” or “Now?” Nobody really asks about her much, so she wants to make sure she answers good. Make it count.

“Well…he’s my brother…” Kai starts.

“I swear to god,” South growls under her breath. She shoots the next guard in the balls.

“…and, like, he took care of me after my mom had to leave—“

“—Why’d she leave?” South interrupts.

Kai shrugs.

“I dunno,” she says. “Dex never showed me the note. Said she joined the circus. I mean, I don’t believe him anymore.”

South sighs, picks off another few guards. Her shoulders lose a bit of that tension.

“That’s real shitty.”

Kai shrugs again, shoots the one guard that managed to make it past South’s repressing fire.

“Yeah. I mean. If she was actually gonna join the circus, she coulda taken us with. I coulda helped with the stronglady act, or done my ping pong ball trick. Grif coulda done that thing where he eats all those oreos in, like, five seconds. Kinda gross, but, like, circus worthy. So I figured it out. I don’t know what happened to her, or why she left or anything.”

South doesn’t saying anything.

“He’s kinda overprotective,” Kai continues. “Like, when I found him in the canyon he kept trying to get me to go home. Like, he can get shot at and I can’t? It’s not like any of the guys in that canyon did much shooting each other anyway. Just all the other people that showed up. And then after they stole my ship, no body shot anybody. Totally safe, I don’t know why I couldn’t go with—“

Kai turns around and there’s a guard coming from around the hallway everyone else was too dumb to try, he’s coming at her, he’s got a gun in her face, centimeters from her faceplate and her fingers tighten around her grav hammer but it’s gonna be too late oh fuck—

She’s just got enough time to think _Sorry, Dex_ , when the gunshot goes off, loud in her ears.

It’s the scream of pain that makes her realize she’s not, actually, dead. She snaps her eyes open in time to see the guard drop the gun, clutching his shoulder and still screaming, to see South swing her battle rifle from its spot trained directly over Kai’s shoulder to his head. Pop, pop. Or at least, she knows it should be pop, pop. She can’t hear so good right now.

Her heart is beating so loud in her chest, she feels like if she put a hand to her chestplate, she could feel it.

“You okay?” South asks.

Kai takes a shuddery breath, looks away from the dead guard to South.

“I can’t hear,” she says.

“Yes, you can,” South says, turning back to what she was doing before.

“No, I can’t.”

“Your welcome.”

“Did you have to fire so close to my ears?” Kai whines.

“Would you rather have a bullet _between_ your ears right now?”

“Nooo.”

“What’s going on down there?” North asks over the com line. “I’ve got the codes, let’s get out of here before they find more guys to throw at us.”

“What’d he say?” Kai asks.

“Don’t be a smartmouth,” South says. “C’mon.”

They meet at the rendezvous point five minutes later, the ringing in Kai’s ears has begun to fade.

“You’re chipper,” North comments as they make it back into the ship. He heads for the cockpit. It’s his turn to drive.

“We done good,” South replies, leaning against the table and fiddling with the radio controls. “I like my violence like my steak. Well done.”

“My head hurts,” Kai whines. South throws a bottle of pills at her.

“Well, we’ll be able to afford steak dinners after this one,” North calls from the cockpit. “They said they’d pay good money for these codes, bet we can squeeze another hundred credits out of them.”

South doesn’t reply, keeps fiddling with the radio dials. Kai takes a few of the pills, dry (she knows how to do that). She sneaks glances at South. She doesn’t seem mad anymore, but it’s hard to tell with South sometimes. She always seems mad about something.

A tune wafts across the room and Kai’s head snaps around.

“That’s my favorite song,” Kai says.

“Shut up,” South replies, but her tone is light. “Knew you could hear fine.”

She doesn’t turn the radio off, though. She turns it up.


	6. Chapter 6

Jeremy is having a really bad day.

He took this stupid fucking job guarding some stupid fucking shit with “flammable” on the side because it seemed cheap and easy, okay? That’s how he likes things. Cheap and Easy. Whatever. Shut up.

He didn’t sign up for this bullshit. Bullets flyin’ everywhere and every time he gets his sights on one of these crazy motherfuckers they disappear. There’s at least two of them. Some yellow chick with this shrill fucking voice who keeps appearing where she really shouldn’t be, usually right when he’s got the other lined up for a shot. Purple. Green trim or some shit. There might be two of them, he doesn’t fucking know, they move too quick and he’s pretty sure he saw one bounce off a wall at one point. Fuck.

He’s just guarding his fucking assignment, okay?

He’s not prepared when a sniper shot makes him turn, firing wildly, catches a glimpse of dark purple ducking behind cover. Gotcha motherfuck—

Boots catch him in the back of the head, sending him sprawling. He leans his head back against the concrete when he comes to a halt, groaning, reaches for his pistol at his hip.

“Don’t even think about it,” a female voice growls.

The purple one is looming over him, gun cocked in his face. Jeremy puts his hands up. There’s no way she knows he’s got a grenade saved, if he can just reach it—

“What the fuck even are you people?” Jeremy whines. “Some kind of circus act of terror?”

“Yeah,” South says, voice cutting. “We’re a circus act, fuckstick. Big guy’s the Ringmaster. Yellow Girl’s my beautiful assistant. And I’m gonna make you _disappear_.”

*

North does the books because he’s the one with the patience for it. Trust South with their finances and she’d just write “fuck it, buy it,” in red pen over his crisp, neat calculations, and they’d end up with no food or toilet paper. And North is really not prepared to let that happen again, not now that there’s three people in the ship.

They’re doing well. Really well. The numbers are coming out more black and less red with every passing week.

“We keep pulling off jobs like we have been, we might be able to afford a bigger ship in a year,” North says.

“Hm,” South asks, bouncing a tennis ball off the ceiling. “Sure. Whatever.”

She’s not listening. She’s been thinking hard about something the last few days. Whatever she’s thinking about, it’s got her in a pretty decent mood. But North stopped dwelling on whether/when she’d share what was on her mind with him a long time ago.

Which is why he’s so surprised when she speaks.

“She’s not going anywhere, is she?” South asks. “Kaikaina.”

North glances at her, looks back down at the budget book.

“Do you want her to?” he asks, carefully.

“Hell no, she’s the most entertaining thing to happen to us since that fight at the turkey farm,” South replies, pushing off against the wall. “Just wanted to be sure we’re on the same page.”

“As far as I’m concerned, she can stay as long as she wants. We’re pulling off more jobs with her. She more than pays for herself. Besides,” North says, “She’s…fun.”

“Good, we’re on the same page,” South says, nodding. “But if she’s staying, we need to decide how much we want to tell her. What we want to trust her with.”

North frowns, not sure if he likes where this is going.

“What are you talking about?” he asks.

“Freelancer,” South says. “Why we’re on the run. That kinda shit.”

North sighs, puts down his pen.

“South—“

“Yeah, yeah, I know, but she’s gonna pick shit up. We gotta tell her _something_.”

North pinches the bridge of his nose. This wasn’t a conversation he was hoping to have today. And any mention of Freelancer tends to start a spark of pain down in his sinuses. Theta whirs worriedly in the background.

“I know,” North says. “But, do we really wanna lay that on her?”

“Kaikaina’s tough,” South replies, flippant. “She can take it. And she deserves to know what she’s in for, in case anybody, ahem, _shows up_.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

South shrugs, a parody of nonchalance.

“You don’t know that,” she says. “Also, it’s your call, but you really oughta consider letting her meet the kiddo. He’s not the kind of thing we can hide forever, especially if we’re taking her on missions.”

“You have a kid?” Kaikaina asks, coming around the corner. “Shoulda known, you’re totally the DILF type.”

North glares at South, who shrugs in reply.

“I thought she was off flirting with the transport guy,” she says.

“I was,” Kaikaina says. “But we made out and he was like, really bad with his tongue. And I don’t have time to train him so I just said nah. So you really are a DILF?”

“I’m really not.”

“Dude, you totally are,” Kaikaina replies. “You’ve got ‘hot dad’ written all over you. With sharpie.”

“I think you mean permanent marker,” South adds, a tad gleefully. North glares at her. “Hey, don’t look at me, I wasn’t nicknamed ‘Team Mom’ back in the day.”

“I hate you.”

“So, you have a kid. Big deal! I’m good with kids,” Kaikaina says, wiping her gloves on her thigh guards. “And dogs. And kids that look like dogs.”

North decides to let that one go. South doesn’t (of course).

“Whose kid looked like a dog?” she asks.

“This dude at my last assignment,” Kaikaina says. “It’s kinda a long story. I never did find out who got him pregnant, though, but the leader guy seemed pretty mad about it.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah. I don’t think there was anything going on there, but, hey, yah never know. But I babysat for the little lizard thing for a while.”

Look, at this point North’s not entirely sure if she’s talking about a pet or an actual baby. Knowing Kai, it could be either, both, or something entirely different. She has a certain way about remembering details.

 ** _I’m not actually a baby, or a kid,_** North, Theta says. _**I wanna meet her.**_

North hesitates. They’re both looking at him, South and Kai, and Theta’s full attention is on him too, all waiting for an answer.

“You don’t have to,” Kaikaina says. “Introduce me to your kid, that is. If you don’t want to. Like, I get it. It’s okay. I won’t get upset or nuthin’.”

And that’s what does it. The easy way she says it. Like the lack of trust, the lack of confidence in her is to be expected, even from people she likes. He can’t do that. He can’t be another person who doesn’t trust her not to fuck up.

North takes a deep breath. His jaw hurts a bit from clenching it.

“You can’t tell anyone about him,” North says. There’s a weight in his chest, like an anchor, like sinking, and a buzz in his brain as Theta hums with anticipation. It’s been a long time since Theta met a new person, but he likes Kai. He wants her to like him back. “Swear it.”

“Okay,” Kaikaina says.

“No,” North insists. “I mean it, Kai. His existence can’t leave this ship. Can’t be mentioned outside the three of us. It’s important. People will want to take him away.”

Kaikaina nods. Her face looks different when it’s serious.

“No telling anybody,” she says. “Total secret.”

She mimes locking her mouth and throwing away the key. It helps that weight in his chest lessen, just a little bit.

Even if it is completely ridiculous and something he’s only seen people below the fifth grade do.

“Come on out, Theta.”

He can always feel when Theta’s avatar blinks on, even when he can’t see him. Which he can’t. North glances around, looking for the familiar blue and pink glow. Theta’s perched on the back of his neck, peering out at Kai from behind his hair.

“You don’t have to be shy,” North says. “You know Kai. She’s been here for weeks.”

“Has he been here for weeks?” Kai asks. “Or is this, like, your weekend with him?”

“It’s not like that,” North says, over South’s quiet laughter. “He’s an AI.”

Kaikaina nods like she understands.

“That explains the glowing.”

“What do I say?” Theta whispers in North’s ear. Which means he wants them to pay attention to him, because he didn’t have to say it aurally.

It works though, as Kaikaina’s eyes shift from his face to Theta leaning out from behind his head.

“Hi, Blinky,” Kai says. “I’m Kaikaina.”

South rolls her eyes and retreats from the conversation. She never did like talking to Theta.

“My name is _Theta_ ,” Theta replies, coming fully out to stand on North’s shoulder.

“That’s gonna be my nickname for you,” Kai says. “If that’s okay. I’ve got a nickname too. People call me Sister.”

“You have two names, too, North,” Theta says, looking back at him.

North nods. South snorts derisively from where she’s sitting in the corner. North frowns. Even now, with her back turned toward their conversation, there’s a tension in her shoulders he doesn’t like the look of

“Which do I call you?” Theta asks Kaikaina.

“Whichever one you want.”

“I like Sister,” Theta says.

“Then you can call me that.”

“Do you want to see my fireworks?” Theta asks.

North blinks. It’s been a long time since Theta showed anyone his fireworks, even North. He’d almost forgotten.

“Hells yeah!” Kai replies. “Fire in the hole, blink-boy!”

It’s almost hard to watch, their shameless enthusiasm as they laugh together. Theta’s obvious pleasure at showing off, Kai’s eyes reflecting the flow from the holograms. She keeps urging him to do bigger and bigger explosions, more complicated patterns and he’s eating up the attention, enjoying the challenge. It’s been a long time since he’s seen Theta like this.

“I think that’s enough for today,” North says, after they start plans for something called an “explosiotron.”

“Awwwww,” Kaikaina and Theta chorus together.

It startles a laugh out of him.

“I mean it,” he says. “Theta—“

“Logging off,” Theta whines, kicking his feet petulantly.

He sulks in a corner of North’s mind, but he’s still listening attentively. He likes her. **_Better than your real sister. She’s nice to me._** North pushes that thought away.

“He’s cute,” Kai says. “Where does he live?”

North taps his temple.

“Up here, mostly,” he says. “He’s…wired in, I guess you’d say. He doesn’t come out as much anymore. It’s not safe.”

He deliberately keeps his eyes on Kaikaina as he speaks, doesn’t let them slide to South.

“Cause people would want to take him,” Kai says.

North nods.

“Seems like here’s a lot of people wanting to take kids away, these days,” Kaikaina mutters, almost to herself.

North is dying to ask her what she means by that, but from her unusually dark expression, he decides to save it for another day, and besides, she’s switching topics now.

“We had an AI at Blood Gulch for a while,” Kai says. “But no one wanted him. He’d steal people rather than people stealing him.”

“An AI?” South demands, turning around. “Which one?”

“He was in Doc. He said his name was O’Malley—“

“— _Omega?_ ”

South and North exchange a look. This is…unexpected. North feels that anchor in his chest slide deeper. Please say trusting her wasn’t a mistake, he’s tired of pointing guns at people he’s come to—

“He was there?” South demands.“At some rinky-dink outpost? _Why_?”

Kai shrugs.

“I dunno,” she says. “No one explained anything to me. He was just there after I showed up, and then everyone started shooting and there were a lot of people running around and Tex stole my ship—“

“Texas. Agent Texas,” South repeats, flatly. She curls her hands around the back of the chair, white knuckled.

“Yeah, but she got blown up,” Kai says.

“Blown up.”

“In the ship, with like, a load of other people. She and our AI lady from the tank. Which totally sucked, like, because without those two that canyon was a total sausage fest. I was the only girl left! Not that I have anything against sausage. It’s just lonely being the only taco.”

“Okay, okay, wait, back up,” North says. “I think we need to hear this whole story—“

Kai opens her mouth. “—from the beginning.”

“Okay,” Kai says. “I mean, I wasn’t there for the whole thing. But, like, I can tell you what I do know.”

The story is long, winding and doesn’t make any goddamn sense at times. But by the time she’s gone through it a third time, he’s pretty sure they’ve got the shape of it.

“So, then, everyone on the ship was dead, and Church was sad, and Tucker was sad, and then everyone got reassigned,” Kaikaina finishes. “And then I got bored, boosted a purple thing and found you guys.”

North sighs and massages his temples.

“Can you give me and South a minute,” North asks her. “We need to talk about…about some things.”

“Sure thing,” Kai says, giving them a double thumbs up.

She’s still the same Kaikaina. Not a care in the world, no idea the kind of mess she’s been involved in, what it means for her, what it could mean for them. He watches her leave the Pelican, so trustingly putting her back to them after she told them all that.

“Well, fuck” South says.

“Yeah.”

“Just when we think we’re getting away from all that bullshit,” South says, leaning back in her chair. “It’s been with us all along.”

“...Do you ever worry we made a mistake,” North asks. “Picking her up? Trusting her?”

“No,” South snorts. “I mean, I’m fuckin’ surprised as you are that she knows more than we thought she would. That she’s somehow involved with all this. But Kai can’t lie worth a damn. She ain’t gonna turn on us.”

“Do you?” South asks, turning sharp eyes on him.

He shakes his head.

“No,” he says. “Maybe I should be, but no.”

“Good.”

They sit in silence for a moment, just processing.

“Tex is dead,” South says. “Blown up. Wyoming, too.”

“That’s…not the way I would have expected to find out.”

“That’s not the way I would have expected them to go,” South snaps back. “Do we need to update the board? The still-fucking-alive board? Someone’s gotta have a tally somewhere. At least we’re winning this time.”

North tries to laugh, but it never materializes. South sends him a questioning look, but he averts his gaze, looking down at his hands. Tex is dead. It hurts more than he thought it would.

“Are you actually mourning them?” South demands incredulously.

North sighs.

“We’re not going to argue about this again.”

“Whatever,” South snaps. “Go mourn your precious traitor megabitch. I’m going for a run.”

“South—“

She shoves past him and out the back of the Pelican. North sighs, drops his head into his hands.

 _ **I liked Tex,**_ Theta says, sadly.

He can hear Kaikaina’s surprised shout from outside, her “Wait up! I wanna run too!”

“I know, buddy,” he says. “I did too.”

 _ **I like Sister,** _ Theta continues. **_I hope she doesn’t die too._ **

"Me too," North says, eyes turned toward the door. He should no better to hope about things like that by now. He’s seen enough betrayal and death. "Me too."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long, long long overdue. I appear to be over my block.
> 
> In this chapter, triggers for alcohol use, sexual content, allusions to an alcoholic parent. No one having sex has had more than one beer/one medium strength drink. If you're worried about specifics, please contact me and I'll let you know anything you need to know to make a good decision if you want to read it.

“That,” Kaikaina says, eyes wide, “was fucking _righteous_!”

North smiles crookedly at them from inside the bubble shield. South rolls her eyes. She’s seen this show before. She’s over being impressed. 

“You shot the thing!” Kaikaina continues, pinwheeling her arms. “From inside the thing! That’s so cool! Like, the coolest thing ever since _flavored lube you can actually eat pussies out with_!”

“Wait,” North says, shutting down the shield. “What?”

“ _Like the coolest thing I ever seen_!”

South’s lip curls. She turns away. 

“Could you teach me that?” Kaikaina asks. 

North winces. Avoids looking at South.

“That’s not really possible,” North says. “I know it looks easy, but without Theta, I could really hurt myself with this stuff.”

“With a shield?” Kai snorts. Behind her, South’s shoulders creep farther up, defensive. “Like, it’s not even physical. I couldn’t even, like, drop it on myself or anything.”

“It’s not just the shield,” North says, “It’s controlling it. It’s the calculations, power reserves, keeping concentration on it in a fight—“

“It didn’t _look_ hard,” 

“I had one and I couldn’t use it,” South grits out through her teeth. “Not for more than a few seconds. And even if we got another one if I’m not careful, I could blow out my power module. Yeah, some of the equipment our squad got ran fine without an AI to manage it, or a hardline back to the command server, but the shields…”

She shrugs, the movement almost violent through her shoulders. 

Kaikaina pouts. North sighs. He can’t stop seeing Utah—

“This technology can be really dangerous if you don’t use it properly,” he says. “Especially if you don’t have an AI to run it—“

“Maybe I could help?” Theta asks, blinking into view.

“Kiddo!” Kaikaina cheers. “Back for the weekend?”

“How many times do I have to tell you, he’s not—“ North starts, exasperated.

Kaikaina starts giggling immediately and he knows he’s been had.

“Got you, Agent DILF!”

South rolls her eyes, but the crook to her mouth is mostly amused. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he says. “But seriously, Theta. I don’t see how this can work. We only have one operating shield.”

“I’m sure we could find a way to repair Agent South’s module,” Theta says. “If we tried hard enough.”

“Yeah, but just having a shield doesn’t make it usable,” North argues. “If it’s going to be dangerous—“

“What if we cut out all the fancy stuff,” Kaikaina asks, “What about like, on, and off?”

“I could help!” Theta insists. “If we can fix her shield, and you established a hard link I could construct a program! I could, like, set a set diameter that’d be safe, set basic power commands, so she couldn’t hurt herself. Then Sister could use it, too!”

“And South?” Kai asks.

“Yeah, and South,” Theta says, like an afterthought. 

North chews his lip. 

Kaikaina turns to South, puppy-dog eyes at full blast, but South isn’t looking at her. She’s looking at her brother, intent. Angry. 

“I guess we could try,” North says. Kaikaina cheers, fist pumping in the air. “I said we can try! We don’t even know if we can repair the shield module, let alone make a third one—“

“Hells yeah!” Kaikaina cheers, now putting some hips into her victory dance. “There’s a lot of stuff I thought I couldn’t do until I tried it. Like putting your whole—“

“Woo hoo,” South says to herself, slinks off. 

Theta buzzes happily, trying to figure out the plans.

*

A few days later, South crosses the threshold from the cockpit and freezes. 

“What in the every loving fuck,” South says. “is going on here.”

North raises his head, beams at her. South scowls at him. 

“What number are we on, Kai?” he asks.

“Eight,” Kai puffs. 

North’s body bobs up and down again, slowly, parallel to the floor. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he’s very deliberately, carefully still.

“She can totally bench me,” North says, still grinning. 

“I can see that,” South says. “Why am I seeing that.”

“For science,” Kai hisses through clenched teeth. Her biceps stand out in stark relief in the florescent lighting of the ship. 

“For science!” Theta repeats, popping into view by North’s feet before winking out again.

North frowns suddenly.

“Kai.”

“Just adjusting my grip!”

“Really?”

“Do you want me to drop your ass?” Kai gripes, brow furrowed with concentration. “It’s a nice ass, by the way. I should know. Not complaining about the view, down here.”

North rolls his eyes.

“Aww, what’s wrong, North?” South teases. “When was the last time someone groped your ass?”

“We’re not talking about that.”

“Can we talk about the last time someone groped my ass?” Kai chips in. “Because it was a long ass time ago. Seriously. We been working like dogs. Making bank.”

“Hard to get laid in a bank, Kai,” South teases.

“Pshhh, not trying hard enough.”

South laughs. It helps clear the storm clouds that have been brewing in her chest lately. Kai grins up at her, sunny, like she’s won something.

“We’re at twelve, by the way,” Kai says. 

“You two are so lame.”

“I’m a badass,” Kaikaina grunts from the floor.

“Sure, you are,” South says, but the twist of her mouth is more fond than derisive. 

“Yeah, I am!” Kai cheers. “Boss ass bitch. Like that song.”

“No way we’re putting you in charge,” North teases.

“Hey! I have good ideas! See! Bench pressing you was a good idea!” 

“Do you think you’d be able to do more or less if we were both in armor?”

“Ooooh, let me guess first!” Theta cheers, popping up again “Let me run the numbers first, I wanna see how close I—“

“Okay, I’ve seen enough,” South says. “Get your hotpants on. We’re going out.”

“Out where?” North asks. He puts his arms out for balance as he tries to get his feet under him enough to begin the process of standing.

“I’m saving you from yourselves,” South says. “Jesus, Christ, here.”

She holds out her hands and he takes them, grip firm against hers. She doesn’t remember when his hands got so much bigger than hers (it’s been a long ass time since they’ve held hands, they’re not seven anymore). He braces his weight against her and together they get him to his feet.

“Where we going?” Kaikaina asks, still lying on the floor.

“Bar.”

“Woohoo!” Kaikaina cheers. “I’m gonna dress up and everything! Show off these guns! The fun ones!”

She flexes. North claps South on the shoulder, laughs.

“Okay, sounds good to me,” he says. “We can make a night of it.”

South pulls away, grabs her jacket off the back of a chair.

“Alright, fifteen minutes,” she says. “We’re heading out.”

*

It doesn’t take them long to find a bar they can all agree on. Mostly they just point Kai at the sounds of life and follow, redirecting her when she finds a place too slick for them to fit in with South’s battered boots and North’s easy smile.  

When they finally find a place, Kaikaina tosses back a shot at the bar and then immediately orders something called a “Sex On My Face.”

“I gotta know, what the hell is a ‘Sex on My Face’,” South asks as they wait for the bartender to pour.

“It’s like a Sex On the Beach,” Kaikaina says, scanning the crowd over South’s shoulder with zero subtlty. “But better. Pretty much like the real thing. Oh, thanks!”

She accepts the glass from the bartender enthusiastically, sticking a few dollar bills under his collar. South idly wonders if she’s even aware that that’s really only how you’re supposed to tip at strip clubs and not anywhere else. She wonders if anyone’s actually complained. But she’s got graver things to address.

“An apple pie shot?” South demands as they collect their drinks and head to the table. “It wasn’t even the everclear kind, I was watching, that thing had the alcohol content of your average apple juice.”

“It’s tradition,” Kai insists, “And they taste good! Fuck you with your fancy-bitch beer—“

“I will teach you to talk shit about a good lager–“

“Jesus, what took you so long?” North asks, leaning back to make room for them on the table they’ve claimed. The screech of chairs is drowned out by the noise and music of the bar. 

“Kai had to get fancy,” South says, sliding him his bottle of beer. 

“I’m fancy all the time,” Kai protests, playing with the straw of her drink with her tongue in a way that has to be attracting attention.

“Sure, kid.”

“You’re jutht _jealouth_ ,” Kai says around her straw.

“As impressive as that is,” North says, eyeing the tongue gymnastics going on in front of them, “got a little something on your mind, there, Kai?”

“I need to get _laiiiiiiid_ ,” Kai whines. The straw falls out of her mouth as she slumps dramatically over most of the table.

“You need to get laid,” South agrees.

“Have fun with that,” North says, getting up.

“You need to get laid too,” South snaps.

“I don’t need to get laid.”

“Shut up, you totally need to get laid. When was the last time you got some dick?”

“I didn’t know you liked dick too!” Kai squeals. “High five!” 

“I’m not answering that,” North replies, tapping his palm against Kai’s. 

“Probably ages ago. You’ve probably shriveled up and—“

“Say another word and no one’s gonna fuck you with no teeth,” North interrupts, faux-cheery over his drink. South rolls her eyes but shuts her mouth.

Someone walks by with an obscenely bright drink in a glass shaped like a saxophone. Kai’s eyes track it like a lion’s over her half-empty glass.

“That’s mine,” she says. “I want one of those.”

“Hey, no,” North says, putting a hand on her shoulder and forcing her to sit back down. “No more alcohol if you’re getting laid. Also, are you even twenty-one?”

“Totally,” Kai replies. “Wait. What year is it?”

“Oh, my god, Kaikaina.”

“Relax, I was nineteen, like, three years ago. I’m totally twenty-one by now. Really, though, what year is it?”

North tells her.

“ _Score_! Hit me.”

“No,” North repeats. “You already had two drinks.”

“No more alcohol if you’re getting laid, sweetheart,” South says, eyes scanning the crowd with the same look Kai gave the drink earlier. “Suck it up.”

“Hell, yeah, I’ll suck it,” Kai says, cheering instantly. “Bow chicka bow wow!”

North nearly snorts beer up his nose.

“Like that?” Kai says. “An ex taught me that. Though I’m not sure he’s really an ex, because if he were here right now—“

“Yeah, I think I get the picture,” North interrupts, laughing and looking sadly at his now empty bottle. “I think I need another beer.”

“No beer!” South snaps. “You’re getting laid!”

“I can have two beers,” North argues. “I’m not getting laid, and I’m not the designated driver because we are not driving.”

“You’re the designated douchecanoe,” South replies, tone gleeful. “And I will find someone to touch your dick tonight, I swear to god.”

“Beer time,” North says, shaking her off and heading in the direction of the bar. 

“ _ASSSS!_ “ South yells after him. 

He just waves a hand at her. South sighs and turns back to Kai. Her brother is clearly hopeless.

“Okay,” South says, turning to survey the crowd. “What are we feeling like tonight?”

“Not picky,” Kai responds immediately. “Anybody hot. I can supply my own dildo if needed.”

“Yeah, and I’m a ladies-only zone,” South says. “Got a type?”

“Naaaahh. Not really. You?”

“Nobody too short,” South says. Brown armor swims in her gaze. She blinks rapidly. “That’s about it.”

For a moment, they both scan the bar. 

“What about over there? By the jukebox?” South asks, not turning her head to look. She’s a Freelancer. She’s got skills. 

“She’s _pretty_ ,” Kaikaina says dreamily. 

“Hell yes, legs,” South replies. “I’d love to see those wrapped around my—“

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Kaikaina says, holding up a hand, eyes shut in contemplation. “It’s better if you let me make up my own ending.”

“I like the way you think.”

South and Kaikaina are playing rock paper scissors when North gets back to the table, tumbler in hand. 

“I don’t even want to know,” he says. 

“Do you want in on this? We’re doing best two out of three for who gets to hit on the cutie with the booties by the jukebox at three o’clock first,” South says.

North glances despite himself. The cutie by the juke box is, indeed, wearing ankle boots. 

“Nah,” he says. “Because I’m not getting laid tonight.”

“Wait, you like ladies too?” Kaikaina asks. “High five!”

“What if she’s not into women?” North asks, tapping his palm against Kai’s again. 

“Then we go hit on somebody else,” South says. “It’s like you don’t even know me. And that, sir, is not beer.”

She waves unhappily at the tumbler.

“Whiskey,” replies North, raising the glass at her and taking a sip. “I figured if we’re making a night of it and I have to watch the inevitable train wreck of your get laid parade, I’ve earned whiskey.”

“Whatcha trying to say, asswipe?” South demands. “That I drive you to drink?”

“God, South, no, I didn’t mean it like that—“

“Fight later!” Kaikaina interrupts, eyes still scanning the crowd hungrily. “We’re on a mission. For _ass_.”

The silence between them stretches on, a bubble of tension in the noise and buzz of the bar. 

“Well, there’s certainly a bunch of ass here tonight,” North says, trying to break the tension.

“I’ll say,” South mutters. 

North avoids her, sips his whiskey and scans the crowd. 

There’s a couple on the dance floor, just visible in the crush of bodies and for a moment he can’t think of why he’s even looking. Something keeps bringing his eyes back—

Brown hair, over-styled with gel. He’s on the shorter side, at least from North’s angle, at least from his dance partner’s angle. The blond grins, shit-eating and pleased and leans down to whisper something in the brunette’s ear. Neither of them have freckles. 

Kaikaina’s saying something, South is laughing. It’s her “good try at being friendly” laugh, the one he never gets out of her anymore. His hand tightens on the tumbler, and he forces himself to relax, to not start thinking and keeps watching the dancers. 

The brunette’s pale, the contrast between his dark hair and skin shocking in the light of the bar. Maybe just unexpected. They dance together, the blond curled around the brunette’s back, hands spread across his hips, chin hooked over his shoulder. Two bright blue eyes—

And he realizes the brunette’s looking right at him.

North turns away.

“Hey, hey, North,” Kai says, poking him until he looks at her. “Do the DILF thing you do! I bet if you do the DILF thing, you’ll get hella laid.”

South buries her head in her hands and groans. 

“Oh, I’ve already gotten hit on,” North grins. “And a couple offers, actually.”

“Did you get prepositioned?” Kai faux-whispers. “By who? Teeeell me.”

“I did not get prepositioned,” North replies, laughing. “But I did get a couple offers involving the alleyway out back during the journey from the bar and back.”

“Hot.”

North shrugs nonchalantly but he’s grinning. Smug, South thinks. She rolls her tongue in her mouth, testing out the sour-bitter aftertaste of the beer.

“Big surprise,” South mutters before she can stop herself. “Things are easy for North.”

North puts down his tumbler with a snap. The liquid sloshes, spilling a little on the table and the smell of alcohol blooms stronger between them.

“What’s that supposed to mean.”

“Forget it,” South says, tipping back her bottle.

“You think the last years have been easy for me?” North demands. “You think everything we worked for ending was easy for me?”

“Leaving sure felt easy,” South says, snide. “I mean, I didn’t even have to walk, or think or anything.”

“Um,” Kaikaina says.

“You know why it had to be done.”

“Do I?” South says, putting her bottle down as well. 

North shakes his head at her. That same disappointed, l _et down_ shit he always pulls.

“Whatever,” South says, picking up her bottle again. “Keep drinking, Team Mom.”

North’s palm slaps onto the table. His fingers wrap around the empty beer bottle from earlier, just needing something to hold on to.

“Um, can I see that?” Kai asks, pointing at the bottle. “I just want to, like, look at it. Read the back, you know. Calories.”

North let’s go of the bottle. South doesn’t put hers down, glaring at him over it and he’s so tired of this, so angry and so _tired_ , so sick of her acting like the whole world’s hurt her and she’s going to hurt it back, and he doesn’t know when she started treating him like he wasn’t on her side. He doesn’t know when she stopped being on his side and he’s furious, he’s not the enemy here. 

“Maybe things wouldn’ta been so hard for you,” he says, “if you gave a shit about something other than yourself.”

South’s chair screeches backwards. She whips her jacket off the back of the chair and shrugs violently into it.

“Someone had to,” she hisses in his face, before turning heel and stomping out of the bar.

North stares after her retreating back, stomach roiling with anger (and hurt).

“You two are, like, hella fucked up. You know that right?” Kaikaina says.

North sighs. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I know that.”

“Can’t even have fun right,” Kaikaina grumbles. “This was supposed to be fun.” 

North stares down unhappily at the tumbler and thinks, suddenly, of just tipping it all back. But now the thought’s soured, bile crawling up his throat. He puts it down. 

“Care for a dance?” a voice asks. 

North looks up. 

Blonde and brunette. His vision swims for a moment. He blinks. 

It’s the couple from earlier. The blond smiles at him, one of his hands in the brunette’s back pocket. 

“What, both of you?” North asks.

“ _Hot_ ,” Kaikaina chimes in. 

North clenches down on the urge to groan in despair; but the blond’s smirk goes crooked, goes a little dirty. The brunette blushes. 

“We were kinda hoping it might be,” the blond says. 

North blinks. 

He should go find South. He should fix things. He should get back to the ship. Have Theta log back on. Get them all home safe. 

North should do a lot of things. He’s been doing the things he should for a long time and what has it gotten him? A life on the run. Life as a scavenger. A life where he doesn’t know which friends are still alive. A life where he doesn’t know who his friends were. A sister he can’t talk to, when she’ll talk to him at all. A tumbler full of whiskey he can’t get down. Two people he—he cared for that he’s never going to see again. 

He casts uncertain eyes toward Kaikaina.  

“If you turn this down, I’m never speaking to you ever again,” Kaikaina tells him seriously.

The blond laughs. (It’s the wrong kind of laugh. _He_ never laughed like that.)

“You should probably listen to your friend,” he says.

“Just a dance,” the brunette says. His smile is calm, the way Y— the way someone else’s never was. Steady. Content. (Wrong.)

“Okay,” North says. 

He takes the offered hand. It’s smooth, soft. Not a soldier’s hand.

Good.  
*

The cold air on her face stings after the heat and sweat of the bar, the flush a physical thing she can almost feel sitting, burning on her skin. She keeps walking as the music and conversations fades behind her, as the door shuts, keeps walking and her flesh breaks out in goosebumps and everything is pounding, her head is pounding. 

Her boots stop in the middle of the parking lot without her permission and she looks down at them. Battered. Sole curling out at the toe of the left one. Gravel crunching and reflective against the moonlight and North’s voice cutting a swathe through the aching tissue of her brain. _  
_

_Maybe thing’s wouldn’ta been so hard for you if you gave a shit about anything but yourself._

Ever since she has been young, she has these moments, these moments when everything inside her is too hot and too bright, when the most perfect thing in the world would be to curl in and just scream.

But she isn’t seven anymore, she isn’t fifteen, she’s not on shore leave after Basic anymore. That isn’t the kind of thing you can do in a parking lot on some overcrowded alley-way world of the galaxy at one in the morning, so she doesn’t. Can’t.

Instead she just— falls, hunkers down in the small spaces between cars in the parking lot, in the dark, fingernails digging dents in her scalp. Very carefully doesn’t bite her lip. Her hair tangles, sharp under her hands and she breathes, she holds on to herself. She holds on. She holds.

The sound of laughter interrupts her and she startles, eyes snapping up. But it’s only a tangle of drunken idiots, laughing and pressing together as they make their way across the parking lot. She slides her knife back into its hiding place, wipes her forearm under her nose. Not a threat. Just—

She recognizes that laugh. 

She looks up in time to see her brother get pressed against the side of a sedan, a short brunette pushing between his thighs and pushing his tongue into his mouth. The brunette drags him into the backseat, the car door slamming behind them. The blond gets behind the wheel, his voice floating across the parking lot, “just don’t finish without me.”

The car revs, peels out of the parking lot. South blinks. 

It’s sort of cold out here, she thinks. He didn’t even want to get laid in the first place. I wonder where Kai is.  
*

Kai is no longer having a Sex On the Beach, or a Sex On Your Face. 

She might be having Sex In the Stockroom of the Bar, though. And technically, she’s on _his_ face. 

*  
Around the time her joints start to hurt, South stands up. She’s cold. It’s cold out here. 

She turns, hazy, looks back towards the bar. She should find Kai. She’s not going to find North.

(And she knew that, she’s always known that. She gave up on that a long time ago. She did.)

The bar seems unbearably bright and loud. 

Instead she joins the scatter of smokers, alley-way vomiters, more-fresh-than-inside air seekers and otherwise lingering outside the bar, leaning back against the brick wall and sliding down. She doesn’t sit. She likes these pants. 

“Need a light?” a voice asks. South glances up. A tall black woman smiles at her, flicking a lighter like an offer. South snorts.

“I’d love one,” she says. “But I don’t have a smoke.”

A cigarette is lowered to her eye level.  South frowns at it, but takes it, rolling it between her fingers. The lighter is lowered, flashes and South inhales. It’s like lighting up, inside. A comfort.

Dad had smoked. Mom drank. 

South curls her tongue in her mouth, relishing the flavor. 

“Thanks,” South says. 

The woman shrugs.

“You look like you need a smoke,” she says. “Kindness never hurt no one.”

“That’s a fucking lie,” South says, inhaling deep.

The woman chuckles low in her throat.

“Maybe. But it’s a lie I like. Just inhale your cancer, already.”

South does.

“God, I needed this,” she says, closing her eyes. “Usually can’t afford these anymore.”

She doesn’t say whether she can’t afford the money or the lung capacity and the woman doesn’t ask. 

“I’m South.”

“Sol,” she says, smiling. 

“So,” she says, after long quiet minutes between the two of them have passed with nothing but the soft glow from the end of their cigarettes. “What’re you out for?”

Sol shrugs.

“Right now? I’m pretty happy sharing a smoke with a stranger.”

“And later?” South asks. 

She leans her head back, lets the smoke rise soft through parted lips. Stars are brighter on this world, she thinks, looking. Brighter than a lot of places. Not space, but then. She almost misses Sol’s reply.

“Later, I’ll probably be looking to share a night with a stranger.”

“Looks like you came to the right place,” South snorts. “There’s plenty lookin’ for a fuck in there.”

Sol shrugs, non-committal.

“What, you picky?” South asks. Sol laughs. 

“Just because it’s a one night stand,” Sol says. “Doesn’t mean you have to have shitty, boring sex with someone who don’t give a damn about your well-being.”

South takes a long drag, sighing as she realizes she’s down to the filter. She flicks the last of the ash away, let’s her hand drop. She always liked to hold on to them until they weren’t warm anymore. 

“That sounds like an offer.”

Sol raises her eyebrows at her over her cigarette.

“It is.”

South rolls her spent cigarette between her fingers. She lets it fall to the pavement, crushes it under her boot, habit. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> Queseraawesome.tumblr.com


End file.
